Can't blog - mourning.

Silly Gary!

You're not supposed to drink it!



This story provides me with the opportunity to share with you a CTK favorite - pour a pitcher of these on a warm summer evening, sit back, and enjoy the joie de vivre.

Kitty Dukakis
2 parts Pine-Sol
1 part vermouth (dry)
1 part pineapple juice
Splash of grenadine

Kwik-e Houston Recap: Good Times

- 2.5 hour mechanical delay (refueling issue) on the outbound flight. Highlight: Mechanic can't seem to pull up the handle used to open the gas cap, so he reaches into his pocket and, drawing upon his rudimentary knowledge of levers and fulcrums and such, pulls out a quarter and tries to pry the handle open. When that doesn't work, he disappears for a good 20-30 minutes. This would happen again later when attempting to open the gas cap on the other wing.

- Arrive at the conference 30 minutes after the start time of my panel. Thankfully (or unfortunately), they're able to swap panels and schedule mine for a later time (I'd like to think it's because I'm just that important, but the panel moderator/my former boss/big fish in my small work pond was also on my flight).

- After a day of stomach rumblings - including an in-flight check to make sure that I had an air sickness bag at the ready - I abruptly interrupt a delightful conversation with colleagues during a pre-dinner reception by announcing that I'm not feeling well. Working my way through the hotel lobby full of tax nerds I get within 10 feet of the men's room entrance before violently heaving all over myself.

Damn I'm smoove. Apparently I'm combating a stomach bug of some sort. I had a similar experience while out with friends last night (although I made it to the bathroom in time).

I was going to post the Vomit Guy (Mr. Creosote) scene from Meaning of Life here, but that's pretty revolting.

Okay, here it is.

I'll be back in a jiffy

I'm off to Houston for some work dealie (don't worry, I shan't mess with Texas at any point during my trip).

While I'm away, Timmy will be taking your requests!

Who loves ya, baby?

CTK does. Pay it forward.

Rocktober addendum

Belated props to Bizdren for bringing this travesty to my atención. He also requested more Dio on the blog; I'm doing what I can.

Dugout's take here.

I'm gonna be hella pissed if anyone tries to trademark Moevember.


Old Ass Update

So I got ANOTHER invitation to join AARP.


But this time they've sweetened the offer:


That, my friends, is some seriously fly gear. Bonus - it looks like it's the perfect size to hold my Jitterbug, Wint-O-Green lifesavers, and Medicalert bracelet, and there may even be room for a can of Boost. Plus it looks like it would easily fit in the front basket of my Li'l Rascal 20HP Super Duty. I just may have to snag this bad boy.

Fuck You, Colorado Rockies

You've just pissed away whatever feel-good capital you had with this baseball fan.

Seriously, trademarking Rocktober? WHERE DO YOU GET THE BALLS? I bet you can't even answer a single one of these questions.

ROCKTOBER is irretrievably woven into the fabric of America, my friends.


You can't just slap a trademark on it because you want to corner the market on soon-to-be-embarrasingly-irrelevant T-shirt sales. Oh contraire, mon friend. Rocktober is a stallion that cannot be tamed by fiat.

T.I.L.F.!

Coming Soon to a Mercury Mariner Near You

According to my sources, Ford will soon be announcing their answer to GM's popular OnStar service: RonStar.



Ford's RonStar is in many ways quite similar to GM's OnStar service, but with one major difference - drivers will be connected directly to Ronnie James Dio. RonStar will come standard on all 2009 model year Ford, Lincoln, Mercury, Jaguar, Land Rover, Volvo, and Mazda vehicles.



The first year's subscription to the basic service (turn-by-turn navigation, emergency assistance, casting of door-unlock spell) will be included with the purchase of any RonStar-equipped vehicle, renewable at $9.95/month thereafter. Premium RonStar service plans that feature additional Dio spellcasting options will be available as follows:

Evil Serpent Appears in Back Seat of Nearby Vehicle
5 spells/month -- $5.99
10 spells/month -- $9.99
20 spells/month -- $17.99 (BEST VALUE)

Plague of Locusts Swarms Tollbooth
5 spells/month -- $11.99
10 spells/month -- $19.99
20 spells/month -- $34.99 (BEST VALUE)

All Car Radios Tuned to Sean Hannity
5 spells/month -- $14.99
10 spells/month -- $24.99
20 spells/month -- $44.99 (BEST VALUE)

It's Hip to Be Square

This fall's TV lineup buzz is all about geek chic! Shows like Chuck and Big Bang Theory are taking nerds to a whole new showbiz level. What else is in the pipeline?


Check Mate

This chess king keeps running into pawns on his quest for a queen. If only the game of love were as easy as 1.Kh2 2.Qe4 3.Qd5.


Chillin' With The Woz

Q: Steve Jobs is all over the news these days, but what's the other Apple co-founder, Steve Wozniak, up to?
A: He's up to his ears in hijinks and shenanigans, just you watch!


Two Guys, A Girl, And A Rubber Sword

When these three LARP, you'll LOL!


Howe's It Hangin'?

Former Yes and ASIA guitarist Steve Howe stars as a wisecracking science teacher with a heart of gold. Upon discovering that his dweeby star pupil is striking out with the ladies, Mr. Howe turns him into a guitar hero and homecoming king!


Suddenly Ned

This one is still on the drawing board, but the rough outline involves this guy Ned.

Me-owrs of entertainment!

Who doesn't love LOLCATS?

I got together with my good friend Lenore the other day and we tried to come up with our own set of whimsical cat macros. Aren't they adorable?