Am I the only one who believed riblets to be a vile, McRib-like concoction dreamt up by a mid-level marketing manager at Applebee's rather than a genuine cut of pork?

With football right around the corner...

I figured it was a good time for me to get caught up on the latest happenings with the gang at Milford High.

I'm afraid the Mudlarks may be in for a long season on the gridiron if that's all the material they have to work with. Those kids look like they haven't seen a weight room. I'm hoping that's either the JV squad or the ninth graders.

Also, since all really good high school programs work on conditioning year-round, why is Coach Thorp wasting time having his players doing push ups? Shouldn't they have been doing that stuff all summer?

I'm just asking...

Where is Samurai Mike's other hand?

On a related note, where is Thomas Sanders' musical career? If Wayman Tisdale can get a record deal, T-Sandz is a no-brainer. Playa, please!

Musical Update
I thought the novelty would have worn off by now, but it hasn't. Holy crap is this good.

He Gawn!

Sorry, ladies - presidential semi-contender / piechart maestro / sizzling hunk of man-meat Dennis Kucinich is off the market.

Let's all take a moment to reflect on the halcyon days of Dennis the Menace's bachelorhood before we bid them farewell:

(nothing tugs at my heartstrings like a good photo montage)

Birds of a Feather Grow Closer to Death Together

Happy birthday to one of my favorite singer/actress/children's book authors. Actually, happy birthday to TWO of them.

Madonna/Esther and Kathie Lee Sweatshop each get to blow out another candle today. Happy Birthday to two of the most vapid, self-absorbed hacks ever to parlay a song and dance routine into a platform for delivering their views on world affairs to a frighteningly large audience willing to buy what they're selling (including religious kitsch from Jesus videos to red string). Why can't we hit the trifecta and make August 16th Streisand's birthday too?

I hope these two menopausal embarrassments are celebrating their special day together. Their families would totally bond - Frank is a huge Coldplay fan, and Apple would really love to have a big brother figure like Cody around.

BTW, I just gave Kathie Lee's website a courtesy hit today in honor of her 52nd and wandered over to her recipe page. "Kathie Lee's Sausage Stuffing" looked like it had some promise -- ...one wrinkly, washed-up running back with a wandering eye...3-1/2 cups Early Times... one little blue pill... -- but it turned out to be Stove Top with some Johnsonvilles thrown in.

Silly goose...bananas don't go there!

The Original Eminem

Milton McNasty

Milton enjoys HO scale railroading, canasta, and freestyling on the mic. A lyrical assassin, Mr. McNease spends his weekends taking out sucka MCs, busting rhymes so fresh someone is liable to pop a cap in his ass.

Peep that bling, yo!

On the serious tip

I wish I could say this was satire. Good Lord. Well, I suppose they aren't building any more land, so flip away. Real estate always goes up.

PSA for the Kids
I'm 35 years old. I don't "rock" clothing, I wear it. Thanks.

I wish I could say I discovered this myself, but I must give credit where credit is due. It's quite possibly the coolest thing I've ever seen and certainly warrants a link here.

It's all coming together

I think I mentioned that my people have been in talks with the folks at Dreamworks about a movie based on my life - except for the part about those underaged Thai prostitutes - well, things are starting to roll. We've got a tentative production schedule lined up, we're whittling down the list of possible directors, and we've obtained a handful of cast commitments. We had a bit of a snag over the lead; Geffen was pushing for a flavor of the month like Law or Farrell, but I wasn't going to budge.

I got what I wanted.


I hate crap like this.