Say there, Sport...

I like the cut of your jib.

I wish I had a personal valet

Someone by my side to take care of assorted menial tasks, deal with riff-raff, and generally keep me on top of my game.

Someone like...Jerome.

Someone to follow me around the office, mirror under his arm, ready to assist me at a moment's notice. And tell annoying coworkers to fuck off. And get me Chipotle and a Powerball ticket at lunchtime.

I think Jerome may be tied up with a Morris Day & The Time reunion tour at the moment, but Steve Guttenberg has to be available. And cheap.

Hi, my name is CTK

and I'm a

Mexican game show-aholic.

Family Feud + latina hotness - Louie Anderson = $$$$

Pssst...I have a birthday coming up in a couple of months...

My Own Personal Justice League of America and Legion of Doom


Ron Popeil

Billy Mays

Fitness Celebrity John Basedow

Video Professor

Carleton Sheets

Chef Tony

The Foodsaver Guy


Tony Robbins

Matthew Lesko

Tony Little

This Guy

Rich Dad

This Guy (who also does the Sweep-n-Mop)

The Mega-Memory/Natural Cures Guy

A few points for my peeps:

A. This is George Hamilton.

2. Knowing who George Hamilton is is nothing to be embarrassed about.

d. Not knowing who George Hamilton is is sad and pathetic.

Do they hand these things out to anyone who asks for one?

Apparently Taxi, The Cookout, and a WalMart commersh were enough get the Queen her own star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame.

Who's next, Ryan Sea... never mind.

Next thing you know they'll give Wink Martindale a star.