Coming Soon to a Mercury Mariner Near You

According to my sources, Ford will soon be announcing their answer to GM's popular OnStar service: RonStar.

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Ford's RonStar is in many ways quite similar to GM's OnStar service, but with one major difference - drivers will be connected directly to Ronnie James Dio. RonStar will come standard on all 2009 model year Ford, Lincoln, Mercury, Jaguar, Land Rover, Volvo, and Mazda vehicles.

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The first year's subscription to the basic service (turn-by-turn navigation, emergency assistance, casting of door-unlock spell) will be included with the purchase of any RonStar-equipped vehicle, renewable at $9.95/month thereafter. Premium RonStar service plans that feature additional Dio spellcasting options will be available as follows:

Evil Serpent Appears in Back Seat of Nearby Vehicle
5 spells/month -- $5.99
10 spells/month -- $9.99
20 spells/month -- $17.99 (BEST VALUE)

Plague of Locusts Swarms Tollbooth
5 spells/month -- $11.99
10 spells/month -- $19.99
20 spells/month -- $34.99 (BEST VALUE)

All Car Radios Tuned to Sean Hannity
5 spells/month -- $14.99
10 spells/month -- $24.99
20 spells/month -- $44.99 (BEST VALUE)

2 comments:

Darth Roker said...

I hope they can build enough Fords to keep up with demand. I want at least 3. Brilliant!

Anonymous said...

I heard VW is going with Udostar. I'm going to hold out for that.

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