My senator makes me kvell

You schlemiels may think that the junior senator from Virginia is just a good ol' goyim with a soft spot for monkeys

but you're wrong!

He's a regular mensch who proudly embraces his Yichus.

And to all of you meshuggah nudnicks with the chutzpah to throw out that narishkeit that he doesn't like the schvartzes, you couldn't be more wrong.

You schmucks make me so angry I could plotz.

Colonix Corner
I'm back down to one-a-days, but the volume remains impressive. This past weekend I laid a 3-foot rope in the bowl, and I have to say I was rather proud of myself.

Not sure why...

but today feels like a Sinbad kind of day.
Maybe I'll finally rent First Kid tonight and cross it off my list of things to do before I die.

Colonix Corner

There certainly is an increase in volume. I'm not clogging the toilet or anything, but I'm up to 3 good-sized loads per day. I haven't seen anything particularly disturbing in there. Overall consistency remains fairly loose.

I'm just asking

Was Qbert a hermaphrodite?
I'm assuming that thing is Qbert's genitalia, and while it looks kinda schlong-y, it also appears to be a receptacle of sorts. Why hasn't the transgender community embraced Qbert as one of their own?

And why can't I find any Qbert anime porn?

Colonix Corner
I wish I had a good update, but it's been pretty uneventful thus far. Perhaps a slight increase in volume, but no poop serpents have been expelled to date. The bottle claims that it may take a couple of weeks to see results, so I'm sticking to the regimen.

And So It Begins...

Sure enough, I had a package from Dr. Natura waiting for me when I got home last night. Here's the Colonix(TM) system in a nutshell:

1. Some sort of powder that you mix with water, juice, etc., and drink every morning. I had a glass of it this morning, it wasn't very good.

2. Some gigantic capsules that would probably get lodged in your throat if they went down the wrong way. 2 of these each morning (4 per day after day 5). Took these today as well.

3. A packet of tea bags (ha ha, I said "tea bag") - had a cup last night. Not too bad.

So I figured it would take a couple of days for anything to take effect, but on the drive to work this morning my innards started rumbling and I felt the need to take a big ol' dump. However, I was flipping around on XM and "The Final Countdown" was on Big Tracks, which quickly made me forget about it. After a cup of coffee the urge came back with a vengeance. I rushed off to the john and fired off the opening salvo...

Diarrhea. I hope this doesn't continue for a month.

Addendum to yesterday's post
After another read, I'm not very happy with it. I was going for "so lame it's actually kind of funny", which takes quite a bit of subtlety - there's a narrow window of funny that exists between just "lame" and "over the top lame", and it's tough to hit. I think I may have missed (although I was happy with my efforts on Levar Burton). Oh well, sometimes you kick, sometimes you get kicked.

Wednesday Freestyling

Today I thought I'd just riff on whatever pops into my head. My urban liaison Levar tells me that's known as "freestyling" in the hip hop community. So I'm expecting this to be a lot like that one scene in 8 Mile, except on a blog. OK, I never saw 8 Mile, but I'm pretty sure there's an important scene in the movie that involves freestyling.

To enhance the freestyling experience, imagine Super DJ Professor on the turntables behind me.Note - Levar tells me that turntables are often referred to by rap artists as "wheels of steel".

Washington DC's democratic nominee for mayor is only 35 years old. That's younger than I am! Sheesh…time sure flies.

More rain? Where am I, Washington STATE? (e.g., Seattle)

Sometimes I wish I was really good at ventriloquism. It sure seems like Willie Tyler's had a good life.

Flipping through channels on my new DirecTV movie package last night, I found out why some people call Cinemax "Skinemax". Hey-ohhh, I don't remember ordering the Playboy Channel!

Fortunately, Coach Carter was on another channel. What a heartwarming story about the true meaning of winning. It's nice to know that with all of the stories you read these days about athletes running afoul of the law, there are still some good guys out there.

Who sang "I Wanna Sex You Up"? Because that's in my head right now and I want to know.

We had some new neighbors move in next door the other day. Their dogs sure do bark a lot! They make my dogs seem quiet in comparison, however, so I'm not complaining. Sometimes when they're out in the yard I say "Who Let The Dogs Out?", like as in the song. (They have a doggie door, so technically they let themselves out.) (I'm talking about the neighbors' dogs, not mine.)

My other next door neighbor is really nice. She was in a local Gold's Gym ad a few months ago - and she's like 50! You go, girl. Her son plays for one of the Cubs' Class A affiliates.

Boy, do the Cubs stink this year. And what's with Dusty Baker? Good thing football season is here. DA BEARS.

Fantasy Football sure is addictive. No wonder millions of people play. I like the makeup of my team this year - I have LT!

A noisy noise annoys an oyster - try saying that five times fast. I didn't think so!

Hey, time for lunch! Garlic portabello veggie burger for me. I need to drop a few pounds, and that's a tasty start. Seems like I've been losing the Battle of the Bulge lately - lol.

Quick Colonix(TM) update:

Your package is in the UPS system and is on time with a scheduled delivery date of 09/13/2006.

What's everyone up to this weekend?

I'm going to see VILF!

It took me awhile, but I did it.

I finally got around to ordering a 1-month supply of the Dr. Natura Colonix system.

Dear [CTK],

Thank you for your order. Please print or save this email and refer to the
following information when contacting us or tracking your package.

Order Number: XXXXXX Customer Number: XXXXXX

You have ordered the following product(s).
Qty Code Product Name Price
1 8888 Colonix Pack 88.00
Sub-Total: 88.00
Tax: 0.00
Shipping & Handling: 0.00
TOTAL: 88.00

Your order will be processed within 24 hours (during weekdays) and shipped
to the following address:
XXXX Street
Arlington, VA XXXXX

Once your package is shipped, a confirmation email will be sent to this
e-mail: XXXXXXXX

The status of your order can be viewed at the following link:

For processing or tracking information you will need to enter the Order
Number - XXXXXX - and your billing Zip Code (or postal code).

Your order will be sent out by UPS usually the next business day.(Please
note: If your shipping address is a P.O. Box, or if you live in AK, HI, PR
or VI, then your package will be shipped by Priority Mail. To Canada we
ship via Global Express only.) Shipping normally takes 2-8 business days,
depending on the state you live in.

Should you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact us at or 1-800-877-0414.

Best regards,

Sheena Rich
Customer Service, Inc.
Toll-free (USA & Canada): 1-800-877-0414
International Phone: 1-941-927-1907
Fax: 1-941-927-1886

Stay tuned for updates!

It has come to my attention

that certain people have been tossing around the Best Video Ever moniker carelessly and irresponsibly. This is tough love, SuperMilkChan - I kvetch because I care.

There is only one Best Video Ever, and I present it to you below. Please, never make this mistake again.

2006 VMA Recap

All I can say is maybe it's time for me to start watching MTV again. Congratulations to James Last for winning Best Male Video last night!

Never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined Mr. Partyking himself taking home one of those little astronaut thingies. It makes me -- wait, what? James BLUNT?

Who the fuck is James Blunt?