BIG HAPPY MEAT ATTACK

I love Japanese pop culture. At least what little I've been exposed to. Take this game show, for example. Does it get any better than human whackamoles taunting a hungry, irritable lizard with hats made of pork? I've long been a fan of meat hats, but this takes the medium to an entirely new level.

Link to the actual video here.

Two things that chap my hide

1. Jolly Old Elf My Ass

Here comes Santa Claus
Here comes Santa Claus
Right down Santa Claus Lane

Sounds like Santa's belly isn't the only part of him that's bloated. What kind of an egomaniac insists on naming the street that he lives on after himself? I know what you're thinking - "um, maybe someone decided to rename it in honor of Santa…y'know, like Martin Luther King Jr. Drive or something." WRONG! The North Pole is part of the Nunavut territory, and I'm pretty damn sure the Inuit could give a rat's ass about some fat white guy in an ill-fitting red jumpsuit. Besides, their streets all have Inuit names like Eglitkuhitlo Drive and Kavamaat Way.

And it's bad enough to simply have the idea of naming a street after yourself - he actually took the steps necessary to Git-R-Done. I'm not familiar with the municipal planning rules and zoning ordinances in Nunavut, but getting a street name changed surely involves horrendous amounts of red tape. Unless, of course, he greased the right palms, which paints him in an even worse light.

2. Whiter Whites!

I'm getting tired of being bombarded by new products and procedures for whitening teeth - toothpaste, strips, laser treatment - enough already. White teeth are nice and all, but I think our society is focusing its attention on the wrong thing here, leaving ourselves exposed and vulnerable to an attack...



by the Cavity Creeps.

These guys make holes in teeth. Did you hear me? THEY MAKE HOLES IN TEETH. I don't care how sparkling your choppers are, you're not getting any if they have holes in them. Gross.

Unheralded things that are really cool

Marsupials

500-ton Egyptian obelisks

Viva Knievel

Carnivorous plants

Lancelot Link

Seat warmers

Fred Dryer

Only 12 Days Until Christmas!

Here's what I'm getting my true love:


Twelve Salad Shooters



Eleven Talking Rummies



Ten Scootie Juniors



Nine Mounted Weasels



Eight Rubber Chickens



Seven Foam Dome Beer Hats



Six Cans of Yoo Hoo



Five Flowbees



Four Kiss Rubber Ducks



Three Gophers



Two Corndogs



And a Chuck Woolery Fishing DVD

Christmas is a time for giving

For as little as twenty-five cents a day, you can make the world of one of these youngsters a little bit brighter.




You can help Rico overcome his feelings of inadequacy and loneliness with a new Xbox 360.













Maybe you'd like to help Corky here get the counseling he needs to finally stop wetting the bed.














Or perhaps you want to give Thad the gift of self-acceptance with a subscription to The Advocate.






Won't you help?





Coming Soon
I'm giddy with anticipation over the upcoming debut of Darth Chaucer's new website.

Sigh....Mondays

I wish it was Sunday (my 'I don't have to run' day).



I have a question
Why all the outcry over the cancellations of Alias and Arrested Development, but nary a peep over Head Cases?

That show had it all - star power, hilarious Odd Couple-y hijinks, and a touching message that mental illness is no laughing matter -- except when it makes Adam Goldberg do something OUTRAGEOUS!

I haven't seen a show get cancelled that quickly since Poochinski.