DECISION 2008 - DAY 2

What Each Candidate Would Look Like With A Mustache

Today's candidates:

DEM - John Edwards


GOP - Tom Tancredo

DECISION 2008

Today I'm introducing a new feature on the blog that I hope will assist you in sorting through the current field of Presidential hopefuls. I'm not going to break them down by experience, platform, voting record, etc. - there are plenty of other sites on The Internets for you to get that kind of 411.

I'm here to give you a view of each candidate that noone else will give you -

What Each Candidate Would Look Like With A Mustache

I report, you decide. Today's candidates:

GOP - Mitt Romney


DEM - Bill Richardson

It's time I claimed my piece of the internet porn goldmine

I'm going to start a website of Three's Company upskirt shots.

Free sample!

For my money,

there's no finer sea shanty than Galloping Randy Dandy O!

I value your input!

Admittedly, I do this mostly for me, but I also do it for you. To that end, consider the comment feature a virtual suggestion box. I'm always open to new ideas and opinions.

Today's post is brought to you per the suggestion of loyal reader DT.

David Alan Grier does the best Maya Angelou impression EVER.

I'm in tears!

I hope you enjoy this stroll down memory lane as much as I did (edited for user-friendliness)

"Crazy Calls" answering machine songs


Celozzi Ettleson


WLS Radio featuring Rodney Dangerfield


Hostess Fruit Pie Magician


Harry Schmerler, your singing Ford dealer


Empire Carpet featuring Son of Svengoolie


Trainco truck driving school


Harlem Furniture


Anthony Geary for Members Only


Aronson Furniture - Home of the Credit Connection


Victory Auto Wreckers


Players Man

And ANOTHER idea bites the dust

After the last Star Wars movie was released I started writing a screenplay (well, about 3 or 4 paragraphs) about a guy who puts a 'roommate wanted' ad in the paper and winds up with Darth Vader as a roomie. You see, Darth was out of work now that the Star Wars gravy train ended, and...well, it was funny in my mind. Especially the part about him religiously watching Judge Joe Brown and becoming addicted to Snackwells.

Anyhow, it seems someone else has done the Darth Vader in 21st Century America thing, and in my estimation, they've done it quite well. Plaudits/kudos/etc., and apologies if you've seen this before and, like my Wilford Brimley diabetes thingy, I'm late to the party (don't worry, I'm not going to drop the Icy Hot Stuntaz on you like it's hot).



Courtesy of Gledwood's video blog.

There are more episodes available here.

Corporate Rock

Does your employer have a theme song? My old one has not one but two.

The first one made the rounds at the office when I worked there. Rumor has it they spent in the six figures to commission it - at a time when they were laying off people left and right.

Chorus
KPMG, we're strong as can be
A team of power and energy
We go for the gold
Together we hold onto our vision of global strategy.

Complete lyrics and remixes of the first song available here.

Lyrics and Children's Choir version of the second tune available here.

On a related note, I was rather proud of myself recently for sprouting the idea of forming a corporate rock band - ROBUST SOLUSHUNZ (I don't know how to do umlauts, but they go over the first "u" in Solushunz) - that would compose original works for corporate clients and perform them at company retreats, team-building exercises, etc. You can imagine the songs - Leveraging The Crap Out Of Our Best Practices; You'll Always Be My Preferred Vendor; Cumberland (Mutual Property & Casualty Insurance Company) Feel The Noize, etc.

I ran this by Darth the other day, and he promptly rained on my parade by telling me a friend of his is doing exactly that somewhere in greater NYC, and is actually making a few bucks doing so.

I hate when I get beaten to the punch on a good idea.

I'm glad Paris is over her poopophobia

Whether you're a celebrity heiress or a prison security guard, ya gotta poop.

Repressed Memories

Mr. Shaw told me he'd play me a happy song if I could guess what color pants he was wearing.



It was a trick question.

Celebrity Update!

Not to be outdone by her peers, Sharon Stone has one-upped Angelina and Madonna and adopted Brian Dennehy.

Big Ups to the kids *warning - politics*

At least the younger generation of Republicans offers a glimmer of hope. Facebook survey:


Plenty of RP video goodness here.

I'm in a video-posting mood

Reason #14,587 why dogs are so much cooler than cats:

I don't care if this has been on the internets for like five years

It's relatively new to me and it amuses me.

DOWN GOES KOBAYASHI

Joey Chestnut is the Buster Douglas of competitive eating.

*** Breaking Scandal ***

Based on a thorough review of sections 8902 and 8903 of Title 46 of the U.S. Code, as well as 46 CFR 10.205 and 15.605, I have concluded that "The Captain" has failed to satisfy the requirements for obtaining a U.S. Coast Guard Captain's License, and, as a result, is not actually a Captain.