Crap

I don't care if you're 8 or 80, poop is funny. Why else would I sit and watch a Dual Action Cleanse infomercial for 20+ minutes this weekend?


The scary part is that I found myself tempted to pick up the phone and place an order - especially when they announced that the first 100 callers would receive a STEEP DISCOUNT. I was able to resist the urge, however, deciding instead to comparison shop before I buy. Ultimately, I think I would like to purchase one of these products and see what happens. If I do, I'll keep a journal here for everyone to read.

I seem to recall that Darth Chaucer's prior experience with Colon Blow was less than stellar; he pretty much crapped out a schoolbus one day but quickly gained back whatever weight he lost. I think I'll pass on that one.


Dr. Natura looks promising, judging by their testimonials**:

After many visits to my doctor (August - December 2004) with pain in my side, he finally took an x-ray and discovered I was full of crap - literally!

For the first time I saw what looked like a rubbery long thing come out of me and I have to say I was a bit freaked out but am happy that that thing is not inside me anymore!!!

I HATE to be gross – NO ONE wants talk about, let alone HEAR about someone else's bowel movements, but I passed easily a two-to-three foot ‘excrement’ and felt like a new person.

I am a health conscious person and have been for most of my life, yet I was still crapping aliens!

My experiences in the bathroom became talk at the water cooler! I found myself talking about my poop to my coworkers (male & female), my friends, and sometimes strangers if the conversation led to it!

My butt hurts because I've gone so much, but it's well worth it!!

The biggest improvement I can say for my husband is that his gas does not stink like it used to. He could clear a room in seconds flat, and now when he has gas it's mostly just funny noises that I can laugh at instead of looking for the nearest exit because I was afraid of the horrific odor that was soon to follow.

I do not have the desire for bacon and eggs any longer after seeing what has been coming out. This is a good thing.

I have seen a clear distinction in what I term ‘old poop’ and ‘new poop.’

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE do yourself a favor and buy this product and stick to it and if you are worried about the cost, think of it like this: How much does colon cancer cost?!

My family and I would laugh about how gassy I always was, but it was very embarrassing out in public! Now...no more gas! That is amazing!

I am in heaven, no more embarrassing ‘inside farts’ as I called them (actually felt like poop moving thru the body real quick) for everyone to hear while sitting in meetings.

Pretty hard to function when you feel like you are slowly being poisoned, by something unexplainable. I mean I was a vibrant, energetic dancer/circus aerialist for 12 years. Yes I said aerialist. Did I mention I married a clown?

I was so happy I started laughing. My husband called to me and asked what was so funny. I told him I just had a real poop. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would ever see real poop in the toilet.

There in the stool floated a nice, fat, long, anaconda-like looking, massive ring of turd. I wished I had a camera, because one end was light green, the middle was some other color unknown to man, and the rest was that same brown color covered in rubber again. I started screaming, ‘I did it! I did it!’ I know y’all are thinking I'm crazy, but I was clapping, and saying ‘YEAAAAH’ like a little kid. I came out of the stall, washed my hands, and looked in the mirror, while my girlfriend shook her head and told me how crazy I was. I told her I had never been so happy to take a crap in my life.

**WARNING: The actual testimonial pages on the Dr. Natura website are filled with vile, repulsive descriptions of poopery - some with photographs. Enter at your own risk.