The Joys of Lame-duckery

There’s something incredibly liberating about getting another job lined up while already having a job. Given that my sole motivation to actually do anything while at work is to avoid getting fired, having this kind of safety net allows me to suckle unfettered at the corporate teat. “You want this memo by Friday? Gosh, I’ll sure try. It’s just that, um, I’m really busy with a bunch of things ‘n stuff right now.” (Bad news, readers – you’ll be paying my salary at my next job. I can’t guarantee you’ll get your money’s worth.)

Including today, I have 33 more days of “work” with my current employer. Help me figure out how to spend those 264 hours!

My ideas so far:
- Write some more Scarecrow & Mrs. King fan fiction
- Recreate the Sharks vs. Jets scene from West Side Story in the lobby of my building – the maintenance workers can be the Sharks, the security guards can be the Jets
- Lead the mailroom staff in a daily 10:30 AM rendition of Who Let The Dogs Out?
- Build a wall out of stacks of printer paper around my desk and shoot staples at any enemy coworkers who dare to invade my fortress
- Bring in my Darrin’s Dance Grooves DVDs and work on my popping and locking (I think I have Bye Bye Bye down pretty well now)
- Lots and lots and lots of Minesweeper
- Pull up a chair and sit in the office of my insufferable Tina Yothers look-alike coworker all day long, staring at her and telling her “you’re so good at what you do”
- Curl up with a good book