Belated weekend tee-vee update

Since the high and low points of my weekend both involved things I saw on TV, I thought I'd limit my update accordingly.

High point - I don't care if you've seen it 45 times on the internets already, I saw it live and I'm going to share it with you, dammit.



Low point - I flipped onto the movie excerpted below and did not change the channel for almost 15 minutes (those 15 minutes include the scene below). No, I'm not proud - but I did it for a reason: to determine if Cuba Gooding, Jr. truly is the saddest story in Hollywood. Introduced to the moviegoing public in a powerful role in one of my favorite movies, he went on to win an Academy Award, and then promptly flushed his career down the toilet with the you-have-to-be-shitting-me triumvirate of Boat Trip, Snow Dogs, and Daddy Day Camp.

I didn't even mention Radio.

What the hell happened? Is it drugs? And if it is, can it really be that bad? Is it kiddie porn? Leprosy? I don't get it, I really don't.

BTW, look for CGjr's thespian talents to shine beginning at approximately the 1:10 mark.


If you must know details about the rest of the weekend, it involved a lot of boating, drinking, and hot-tubbing, but

Wait - I do have news!

Guess who is putting on a FREE CONCERT right across the street from my office?

Hint:


True Story! Remind me to wear my enormous gold lamé pants to work on September 6th. Thanks.

Also, apropos of nothing, here's a large Asian man eating Fritos.

I feel like I need to update my blog, but I've got nuthin'

So pck thinks I look like Obi-Wan.

You be the judge.


However, doy thinks I look like the guy from this Comcast commersh:



I'm not sure that MS Paint allows me to cut 'n paste onto videos. I hate being old and luddite-y sometimes.

If this doesn't make you cry

you're a cold-hearted monster and I don't want to know you anymore.

I'm pretty sure this is why we now have Megan's Law

Merv. MERRRRRRRRRV.

Is there any name that's more fun to say than "Merv"? I say no.

You may remember the game shows and talk shows, but don't forget the chart-topping hits and the sexual harrassment.


And then there's my favorite memory of him. RIP, teh Merv.



***BONUS***

My second-favorite memory of him.

I'll admit it. I have one of those dreaded "mancrush" things.

Sure, he's an arrogant prick. He's a chef, what else would you expect?

WARNING: First video is NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH.

The gauntlet has been thrown down

I'll see Darth's Ace Frehley/Tom Snyder bit and raise him a Gene Simmons/Mike Douglas/Totie Fields.

Side notes from Weekend in the Lou

We drove to St. Louis from Darth's house in greater Indianapolis, stopping in scenic Champaign-Urbana for a bite. Despite having lived in the Paign for 7 years, I hadn't been back since about 1996 or so; the place generally seemed familiar, but with some new twists:

- What happened to the Orange?

- Lots of work underway at Memorial Stadium. Hopefully the on-field product will continue to improve as well.

- My former residence of four years has seen better days; sadly, it will be torn down next year.

It was a pleasure to finally meet fellow bloggerati Jackie and tehryan, as well as regular reader PCK (and mini-pck) and other IB nerds Philo, Sassy, and Vandy. Papa Del's was every bit as good as I remember.

Quite possibly the highlight of the road trip (with all due respect to the aforementioned peeps) was the discovery of Prairie State Semen. Yes, semen.

Unfortunately, it's for hog farmers, as you can see.



Darth and I were hoping that they were developing fertility options for the common man - a veritable Scott's Turf Builder for your loins.


Ugh, those uncomfortable trips to the clinic. And OUCH, the cost! All you want is a baby!

*closeup of man & woman shaking heads in frustration*

Relax, Mom & Dad - SpermBuilder is here. Based on a prize-winning medical breakthrough, SpermBuilder supercharges nature's fertilizer with a specially-formulated blend of triglycerides and space-age polymers. It's so easy to use, a pre-schooler could figure it out!

*shot of Mom taking bag of SpermBuilder away from small child and wagging finger NO*

Whoa there, Tiger - not until your honeymoon!

And it's from Prairie State Semen, so you know it's safe.

Remember, next time the moment is right, and you're ready to create the Beast with Two Backs, just reach for the SpermBuilder and watch your litter grow.

We should really open our own consulting firm.

PS - be sure and check out Prairie State's message board.

Final highlight of the road trip - lunch at Steak & Shake in the Ham!

PHOTO BONUS: pck finally meets mini-pck


It's like I'm looking in a mirrour.

Random Asian Silliness

HERRO! If I was a billionaire, this guy would be my chauffeur.


This guy totally stole my Pork Delivery Service idea.


This is just disturbing.

Meet Me In St. Louis

Actually, you're too late. I was in the Lou over the weekend and have no plans to return anytime soon. Good times were had, however. This was the annual baseball outing for Darth/Optimus Prime Rib and me, and it didn't disappoint. We were joined on this trip by our friend Bob (the Sexy Professor, not Miles O'Cock).

The new Busch Stadium is nice. It seems really big. And it will look nicer once they put something up where the old stadium was.


Non-creepy** options around the park are fairly limited -- we spent most of our pre- and post-game time at J. Bucks (there's a little bit of Jack in every bite) and the Mad Hungarian's Douchebag Warehouse. We also had a very nice meal at Mike Shannon's (note my tactful avoidance of any driving-into-a-parked-tow-truck jokes).

As for the late night entertainment, I can't remember the last time I did shots. I also can't remember the last time I wound up with the phone number of a 22-year old mom in my wallet. And if you think I was wearing Bad Idea Jeans, meet Darth's new friend (possibly NSFW). She's been calling and texting him, suggesting that she come out to visit him sometime. I particularly like the fact that she sends him text messages at 5:30 a.m., letting him know she's just getting in for the night, while he's just getting his day started. It's like they're meant to be together. I'm sure she'd make a great stepmom for my goddaughter.

[Note: Darth is a happily married man, fully committed to his wife of 7 years. Why else would he give her the copy of Anal Princesses 4 that he won by taking 3rd place in a dance contest at Larry's? That's the kind of love that can't be broken.]

** By "creepy", I'm referring to the Cardinals fans definition of the term. You know, the "best fans in the world"; the ones that can be a bit emotional at times; the ones sporting the mullets and jorts. See, e.g.: