I'm a Bad Irishman

Well, half Irish. And technically not really even half Irish, as half of the Irish half is really Scots-Irish. But my last name is pretty damn Irish (or Scots-Irish).

I just don't get the whole "checkitoutImfuckinIRISH" thing. Irish pubs are tired, overdone and lame as far as bar motifs go (notable exception for Kitty O'Shea's half-price burger night). Especially if they use a lot of celtic words in their menus and/or signage.

Corned beef and cabbage? Retch. I'd rather eat haggis. And I have.

Celtic music? It's corned beef and cabbage for my ears.

And - heresy! - St. Patrick's day = meh. I'm all for an official day of drinking - don't get me wrong - but I'd just as soon get plowed while planting shrubbery on Arbor Day. Hmmm...I think I may do that this year.

I get the feeling I'm the least Irish not-totally-but-kinda Irish guy there is. I suppose that's okay; I'm half German and I don't run around in lederhosen (except when Mrs. K and I are playing hide the schnitzel).

Nevertheless, I feel slightly bad for not fully embracing my heritage (or at least half of it) (or at least the half of it that's kinda Irish), so I hereby give you a belated St. Patty's day post celebrating one of my favorite so-bad-it's-good movies:

Leprechaun In The Hood

Number 5 in the series, this gem featured none other than the O.G. himself - Iced Tea!















It also featured a disconcerting amount of crossdressing. I'm not really sure why.







And finally, it closes with a rousing hip-hop showstopper featuring the Leprechaun dropping rhymes so fresh someone's liable to pop a cap in his ass!

You Have To Be Kidding Me.

The punch line to this video has nothing to do with the concept, the book, or Fox News Channel.

This clown was in my fraternity.

Seriously.

One of my few memories of him is telling another guy in the house "hey, your dog has a nice ass." I assume that was some sort of attempt at humor, but I'm not positive about that. For all I know his can't-miss soulmate formula bagged him a springer spaniel.

Sorry I've been non-update-y

I was in LA helping an old friend with a screenplay for an upcoming trilogy. "Tyler Perry's Don't You Sass Me Jerome" should begin filming in the fall, to be followed by "Tyler Perry's Where The Hell Do You Think You're Going" and "Tyler Perry's Oh No You Di-int".