I may not have proof...

but I believe the following to be true:

- David Oreck once turned down an offer to replace Ronnie James Dio as the lead singer of Rainbow.


- Tilapia is the bologna of the sea.

- Nicole Richie's weight-loss secret? Tapeworms.


- Men named "Russ" generally are not to be trusted.

- When nobody's looking, Alton Brown picks his nose and eats it.


- The average I.Q. of the hosts of "Fox & Friends" is 183.


I'm sorry - did I say "average"? I meant "aggregate". Aggregate.

OUTTA SIGHT!



Love, exciting and new
Come Aboard. We're expecting you.
Love, life's sweetest reward.
Let it flow, it floats back to you.

Love Boat soon will be making another run
The Love Boat promises something for everyone
Set a course for adventure,
Your mind on a new romance.

Love won't hurt anymore
It's an open smile on a friendly shore.
Yes LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE! It's LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE! (hey-ah!)

Love Boat soon will be making another run
The Love Boat promises something for everyone
Set a course for adventure,
Your mind on a new romance.

Love won't hurt anymore
It's an open smile on a friendly shore.
It's LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE! It's LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE! It's
LOOOOOOOOOOOVE!
It's the Love Boat-ah! It's the Love Boat-ah!

Props to paignfull for the awesomeness.

Can the Heat repeat?



Not unless the Big Aristotle improves on his 14-48 performance from the free throw line. Which begs the question - why isn't he still under the tutelage of Buzz Braman?


I don't know if the diesel and Buzzy had some sort of falling out years ago, but Shaq really needs to practice and stay focused on the target.

Not that kind of Target! HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA oh God I slay me.

Weekend Recap

Lots and lots of Frisbee!

As for dinner on Saturday, let's just say that both the chili and Madge were extra spicy. Me-OW!

Happy Father's Day!

Dear Whole Foods:

Give me a freaking break.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for animal rights, but you have to draw the line somewhere. We didn't climb our way to the top of the food chain only to be denied our inalienable right to Surf & Turf. Moreover, lobsters are neither fuzzy nor cuddly.

They're crustaceans, which are a subphylum of the arthropod phylum. For those of you scratching their heads and mouthing the word "arthropod", here's a quick review:

Spiders? Arthropods.
Koala bears? Not arthropods.
Scorpions? Arthropods.
Orangutans? Not arthropods.
Tse-tse flies? Arthropods.
Golden retriever puppies? Not arthropods.
Cockroaches? Arthropods.

See? The old saying really is true - lobsters are the cockroaches of the sea. And your decision to elevate the rights of cockroaches over the gastronomical desires of your customers is one that you invariably will regret.

Your pal,

CTK

More fun lobster facts:

- In colonial North America, lobster was most commonly found in the dinner troughs of pigs, cows, and goats, its shells ground up and scattered over the rest of the farm as manure.

- “Lobster shells about a house are looked upon as signs of poverty and degradation,” wrote American observer John Rowan in the mid-19th century.

- In one Massachusetts town, a group of indentured servants became so upset at their lobster-heavy diet that they took their masters to court and won a judgment protecting them from having to eat it more than three times a week.

- Some contemporary Canadians remember kids from poor towns, as late as the 1940s, trading lobster sandwiches for peanut butter and jelly in the school cafeteria.

- Lobster first appeared on menus in the 1850s and 60s, as a bargain dish in the salad section–the going rate was half that of chicken salad.

I Had a Dream

Unfortunately, I can't remember the first 99% of it. At the end, however, I clearly remember that I was talking to Cajun Man

who had a frightened look on his face as he peered over my shoulder and exclaimed "Kevin BAY-COHHHHHHNNN?!?!?!"

I awoke screaming, covered in sweat.

On a somewhat-but-not-quite-related note, it got me thinking: if Sandler ever made a movie that combined Cajun Man and Opera Man, it would be the funniest, most awesomest, highest-grossing movie of all time.

BOINKAPALOOZA

Is it wrong that I suddenly want to have an eleven-way?