I, for one, welcome the Fat Elvis phase of Britney's career.

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Out: Liplocks with Madonna and wearing large exotic pythons onstage

In: Ticklefights with Liza Minnelli and riding a foul-smelling mule named Gordon onstage

All she needs are some sideburns and a repertoire of karate chops and kicks and such.

Or she could just use her umbrella, I suppose.

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