Two things that chap my hide

1. Jolly Old Elf My Ass

Here comes Santa Claus
Here comes Santa Claus
Right down Santa Claus Lane

Sounds like Santa's belly isn't the only part of him that's bloated. What kind of an egomaniac insists on naming the street that he lives on after himself? I know what you're thinking - "um, maybe someone decided to rename it in honor of Santa…y'know, like Martin Luther King Jr. Drive or something." WRONG! The North Pole is part of the Nunavut territory, and I'm pretty damn sure the Inuit could give a rat's ass about some fat white guy in an ill-fitting red jumpsuit. Besides, their streets all have Inuit names like Eglitkuhitlo Drive and Kavamaat Way.

And it's bad enough to simply have the idea of naming a street after yourself - he actually took the steps necessary to Git-R-Done. I'm not familiar with the municipal planning rules and zoning ordinances in Nunavut, but getting a street name changed surely involves horrendous amounts of red tape. Unless, of course, he greased the right palms, which paints him in an even worse light.

2. Whiter Whites!

I'm getting tired of being bombarded by new products and procedures for whitening teeth - toothpaste, strips, laser treatment - enough already. White teeth are nice and all, but I think our society is focusing its attention on the wrong thing here, leaving ourselves exposed and vulnerable to an attack...



by the Cavity Creeps.

These guys make holes in teeth. Did you hear me? THEY MAKE HOLES IN TEETH. I don't care how sparkling your choppers are, you're not getting any if they have holes in them. Gross.