Puppies, Kittens & Cirrhosis

THE END

2008-11-20T22:12:00.002-05:00

Once I was no longer able to access blogger.com from work, I knew my blog's days were numbered. It was a good run, and great fun while it lasted. All good* things must come to an end. I'm throwing in the towel. Thanks to all my loyal readers for 4 good years.

I'm about to embark on an adventure of sorts; I'll be keeping a travelogue here, should you be interested.

Sayonara, and domo arigato.

* Arguable, admittedly

Knee Deep in the Election Hoopla

2008-11-03T21:09:00.004-05:00

While casting your vote for Hopey or Walnuts, don't overlook the assorted local ballot initiatives that you'll get a chance to weigh in on. By exercising your right to vote, you can make a difference!

If freaking California outlaws same-sex marriages, what chance do Duane and Lem have of ever experiencing wedded bliss?

I'll admit it - I'm a Headhead

2008-11-02T22:10:00.002-05:00

As many of you know, in 3 weeks I'll be departing for a month-long journey to southeast Asia, with my only fixed itinerary being a round-trip flight to Bangkok. I'm doing all that I can to prepare myself for a trip of this magnitude; ultimately, I find myself returning to this video guidebook for its wealth of information.

Note to self: get any and all kicks ABOVE the waistline, sunshine!

Is this racist?

2008-10-31T18:38:00.001-04:00

Guest Bloggers

2008-10-29T21:18:00.001-04:00

Word to your mother. VA, CK, and SS in the hizzy! Don't hate, appreciate.

There's "so bad it's funny"

2008-10-28T21:02:00.002-04:00

and then there's "so bad it overshot funny by a country mile"

I feel a patriotic duty to chortle, yet I find myself unable to do so. Should I turn myself in to the authorities?

Pop Quiz

2008-10-24T23:15:00.008-04:00

Match the following numbers to the lettered pictures below:

1) I'd hit it

2) Allergic to beets

3) Fluent in Klingon

4) America's Next Top Haberdasher

5) What's with the hair?

A.

B.

C.

D.

E.

I'm still registered to vote in Virginia

2008-10-24T23:03:00.002-04:00

which remains in play. The latest poll I saw had Obama in the lead beyond statistical error, and given the hassle of taking the metro out to Arlington and waiting in line for an hour and whatnot, I'm thinking of blowing off election day...

Placing odds on the demise of this blog?

2008-10-21T17:50:00.001-04:00

Eat it, haterz!

Sorry, I've had blogger's block lately

2008-10-20T09:53:00.002-04:00

Let me make it up to you:

Not a theme song per se, but a wonderful intro

2008-10-07T19:39:00.002-04:00

Continuing with the theme theme

2008-10-02T00:14:00.003-04:00

Paigniac makes a strong case

And to answer Ubermilf - sure, my mustache enjoys the obvious

But his favorite may surprise you

Tee Vee's Best Theme Songs

2008-09-29T01:17:00.002-04:00

I'm not trying to foster a debate on this topic, I just want to throw some quality selections out there for your viewing pleasure. Today - the vehicle that made the lovely Ann Jillian a household name:

Ten Good Minutes

2008-09-25T22:34:00.001-04:00

Sorry I haven't been bloggy

2008-09-25T20:29:00.004-04:00

I recently took my mustache

to NYC

to visit my friend Melody

and her cat Mr. Piddles

and Jesse Jackson

and some Germans

and to see a concert

I'm nothing if not a slave to fashion

2008-09-17T23:12:00.002-04:00

I could hold out on the moustache movement no longer:

Let me be the first

2008-09-14T22:55:00.002-04:00

to congratulate Big Z!

What's that you say? Not happy with my posting output lately?

2008-09-09T21:33:00.001-04:00

Well...

He knows how to pick 'em

2008-09-01T23:16:00.001-04:00

Kurrent Events Korner

2008-08-27T01:33:00.001-04:00

J-Bide has his finger on the pulse of America:

Big Ups to Me!

2008-08-22T20:29:00.005-04:00

And the thanksiest of thankses to dear (and wickedly funny) friend Ubermilf.

Her point is well taken, however. The lack of access to blogspot at work is killing me. I work for the freaking gubmint, what else am I supposed to do from 9 to 5?

He's the bestest

2008-08-21T08:33:00.002-04:00

ESPN still has a long way to go to redeem themselves

2008-08-17T16:07:00.002-04:00

but the first of these two ads is a wonderful start.

Back in the 202

2008-08-16T20:04:00.008-04:00

Hotlanta, aka IRS Summer Camp, was a hoot. I got my Polynesian ON with my first visit in decades to my favorite childhood restaurant, met up with some fellow Illini for tater tot nachos, watched my beloved shut out the racists to sweep a doubleheader, and closed all too many bars with a man called Buster.

The Buster stories are too numerous to mention. I'll simply say he's an enigma, a man worthy of both mockery and reverence. And thereby well worth the time.

Also, just because I feel like it, here's some laffs.

I'm off to HOTlanta for the week

2008-08-10T21:14:00.004-04:00

so I now have an excuse for not updating the blog. I'll try to be more update-y upon my return. You kids have fun while I'm away.

Home of the Dirty Bird

Go USA!

2008-08-10T00:00:00.002-04:00

Sure, I hope that 'Merica keeps kicking ass and taking names in Beijing. But let's not let all of these feel-good moments steer our attention away from China's human rights record. Don't let those shifty Asians get away with their shenanigans, what with their "no ticky no washy" and whatnot. We're the world's police, and our work is never done.

Thank goodness we don't have to worry about that kind of crap on our shores.

I'll admit it: I like muppets.

2008-08-03T19:36:00.002-04:00

No, not in that way.

I had the pleasure of taking in an exhibit on Jim Henson at the Smithsonian today. It's not a terribly big exhibit, but I thoroughly enjoyed it. Old muppet show clips always get me - and how did I not notice Connie Stevens back in the day?

If you can't make it to DC, fret not - it may be coming to a town near you.

And now I have a reason to post this:

Straight Outta Tha Cul-De-Sac

2008-07-30T23:09:00.002-04:00

After LaVar is done cappin' suckas he's finna head down to The Shoppes at Montclair Lakes and pick up some some accent pillows, maybe an Orange Julius.

Toronto is A-OK with me

2008-07-27T20:46:00.005-04:00

Both my checking account and my body are feeling the pain today, however. Snippets of the weekend below.

Don Cherry fashion tip of the day

2008-07-27T15:33:00.002-04:00

Match your socks with your pants, not your shoes.

Welcome back

2008-07-23T22:54:00.002-04:00

Stank. You've been missed.

I'll be away for a few days

2008-07-23T21:33:00.002-04:00

Time for this year's annual baseball outing with Darth. In addition to a ballgame or two we're going to get to the bottom of this developing story. And maybe one of us will try to get a job. No, not that kind of job, this kind of job.

Did I ever tell you about the lovely woman I met in Orlando a couple weeks ago?

2008-07-23T20:42:00.004-04:00

click on pic for larger view

Mindy suggested a Burger Time weekend next time I'm in town.

Happy Birthday to Jackie!

2008-07-20T11:58:00.002-04:00

Internets friend Jackie is now as old as I am.

Jackie loves monkeys, so in her honor I give all of you a smorgasboard of wholesome monkey** goodness.

** By "monkey", I mean "chimpanzee".

Nike = The Greatest American Company EVER

2008-07-19T22:50:00.003-04:00

Sure, we've all heard the sweatshop stories and whatnot, but all of that pales in comparison to this.

It's about time somebody gave this American hero his due.

Wait, what?

R.I.P. 205 E. Armory (1926 - 2008)

2008-07-13T17:40:00.005-04:00

The largest fraternity house in the world until 1962 (WOO HOO). Also my residence for all 4 years of undergrad. It certainly had seen better days, but its demolition still makes me a bit sad nonetheless.

There's a replacement structure in the works; while it won't be the same, I hope it provides its members with memories that will rival mine. At least it will smell better.

One To Grow On

2008-07-12T22:54:00.001-04:00

I haven't posted in awhile, have I?

2008-07-12T00:15:00.004-04:00

Here you go!

Everybody's talking Battlestar Galactica

2008-07-07T21:26:00.002-04:00

I don't know about you, but these days my inbox is chock full of emails from people wanting to talk BSG. It's all 'pew pew I'm totally a Cylon' this and 'ZOMG Twiki makes me LMFAO" that. But if there's one recurring theme I get, it's 'Dood, how fucking hot is Starbuck?"

Answer: Really fucking hot! It's about time somebody stood up and took notice.

Happy Birfday, 'Merica!

2008-07-04T12:16:00.002-04:00

I can't think of a better day to salute the efforts of the men and women who form the backbone of this country.

PSA

2008-07-02T20:37:00.004-04:00

Apologies for the lack of bloggery

2008-07-02T01:34:00.002-04:00

I've been busy.

I'll be back with hackneyed attempts at whimsy ASAP.

Comix Corner: Part II

2008-06-24T21:38:00.002-04:00

Comix Corner: Part I

2008-06-24T21:00:00.003-04:00

It's funny when old white people rap

2008-06-22T23:41:00.002-04:00

Sweet Lou - busting rhymes so fresh somebody's finna pop a cap in his ass.

Practice makes perfect

2008-06-21T21:09:00.002-04:00

All that time I've spent with my spellbook really paid off today!

DO NEVER TEST

Existential Archie

2008-06-17T21:16:00.000-04:00

Happy Father's Day!

2008-06-15T21:44:00.004-04:00

To all the dads who read this blog, to Darth who's working on his second year with this little bundle of awesomeness, and of course to Ed, incorrigible curmudgeon that he is.

Cheers to you all.

As for me, it's a slightly different holiday:

You mess with the bull, you get the horns.

2008-06-14T23:26:00.001-04:00

Don't I feel like a horse's ass.

2008-06-13T01:55:00.002-04:00

I completely forgot that June is Pride Month. Belated props to all my homoz!

Ed. Yes, clearly I could put some more thought into this post and add some insightful commentary regarding the struggles that sexual minorities in America have endured and overcome, but at this point I've had a lot of wine and I'm about to go to bed.

The best thing about summer?

2008-06-11T20:23:00.001-04:00

The extra smoking!

OMG!

2008-06-10T00:37:00.002-04:00

I think Judd Hirsch is sporting a woodrow!

Certain days of the year are just magical

2008-06-05T19:55:00.006-04:00

Tomorrow is one of those days.

Someday, I will return to the wonderful city of Portland, OR, to sample the holy grail of doughnuts. I may not have that option tomorrow, but that won't make the day any less special.

Happy National Doughnut Day!

Hands Across Ed McMahon

2008-06-05T01:21:00.002-04:00

I have an important message to all of you - no, really, I'm serious this time: Ed McMahon needs our help.

There are plenty of avenues available for help & support. Cash donations are always acceptable and welcome, but even something as simple and selfless as traveling to Ed's house and filing his bunions would mean so much to this Ameri-hero in his time of need.

I'm willing to do whatever it takes to help get America's Sidekick back on his feet. To that end, I pledge to buy Ed one container of Turtle Wax for every comment this post receives. And - I'm just doing this on the fly now - I'll even throw in another 10 containers myself. No strings attached.

Okay, y'all, lets show Ed how clean we want his car to be! MAKE SOME NOISE MOTHER[bad word]ERS!!!

So what's going on with you? Not much here.

2008-06-03T01:36:00.002-04:00

But I did buy some new sunglasses today.

I think I've been doing this wrong

2008-06-02T20:32:00.002-04:00

I've been slathering my six-pack and pectosauruses with Miracle Whip and spreading Preparation H on my burgers.

Also, in case you've been looking for some good news in the wake of the recent spate of celebrity deaths, please take solace in the fact that Ernest Borgnine is still with us.

Rest In Peace

2008-05-30T23:57:00.002-04:00

Harvey Korman
1927 - 2008

Suddenly all that Zimbabwe business is starting to make sense

2008-05-30T21:01:00.002-04:00

...and then I said 'you mean Mandinka?' HA HA HA HA... whoo-boy, do my balls itch *belch*

Okay, one last post and then I'm going to bed.

2008-05-29T02:22:00.002-04:00

While my experience with Canadian sports television has been nothing but positive (big ups to the Brier), I have a special place in my heart for Don Cherry and Hockey Night in Canada. I salute ESPN in bringing the Don into the fold for their otherwise forgettable playoff hockey coverage, but the glory of Don is not to be tamed by any network, regardless of which side of they call home!

The Lads are telling me it's time for bed.

2008-05-29T00:34:00.003-04:00

Nite Nite.

My Memorial Day weekend was fantabulous, thank you very much

2008-05-28T23:44:00.008-04:00

Apologies for the belated wrapup. Asheville? What a fantastic town. Gorgeous mountain views all around, a great little city with a solid commitment to the arts and a ridiculous bounty of good restaurants (and, more importantly, great breweries). Started the weekend with top-notch BBQ at a local joint I'll recommend to anyone who finds themselves in Western North Carolina. My brew of choice for the weekend was Firewater IPA, I highly recommend it if you're in the area.

Darth's employer is a new sponsor of the local minor league team, and he actually got to throw out the first pitch the night we went to see them play. I can vouch for the fact that it was a strike, however I'm still waiting for a copy of the excellent pic Mrs. Darth took of the moment (radar clocked him at a nice even 50 mph). Good news - the Tourists were victorious over the Catfish.

The best part of the weekend? This little rapscallion right here:

Have I mentioned how much I love Japan?

2008-05-28T18:41:00.001-04:00

How was your weekend?

2008-05-28T01:15:00.002-04:00

I'm sleepy and going to bed, but I'll give you the full rundown tomorrow. In the meantime, do me a solid and let me know how things went for you.

One more for me

2008-05-28T00:15:00.004-04:00

and then I swear I'll get back to my blogduciary duties to you, loyal readers. For now, allow me to continue the theme from my earlier selfish post. I appreciate your understanding.

That said, there's so much to appreciate here. Grant's mulletude! Geraldo on bass! Joan with her original (or at least original replacement) skin! Bob with hair! Snappy fashions all around! A stage set to die for!

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

2008-05-26T23:14:00.003-04:00

That's right peeps, I'm the proud owner of this week's coveted Homer Simpson Transmundanity Award.

Sometimes dreams really do come true. Thanks to Matt and everyone on the Interwebs who helped inspire this kid from Downers Grove to make something of himself. I love all of you, especially you.

Yes, this blog is for you

2008-05-23T23:26:00.003-04:00

but sometimes I post things just for me. If this wasn't the best show I've seen, it's easily in the top 5.

PS. Oh hellz to the yeah, the DVD is worth picking up.

BAKULA!

2008-05-23T22:02:00.003-04:00

BAKULA!

BAKULA!

Just a reminder

2008-05-21T22:53:00.000-04:00

My posse >>>>>>>>>>> Your posse

That is all.

Apologies for the lack of blogging

2008-05-20T13:45:00.002-04:00

The new firewall at work prevents access to all blogspot.com sites, and there's no better place to blog than at work. So there's that. And the "amicable separation" part of my newfound bachelorhood has apparently ceased to be amicable, so I guess I need to start looking into hiring a lawyer at some point. Yuck. I hate lawyers.

Plus, I've had a busy, liver-unfriendly week, featuring a day trip to a ballgame followed by a pubcrawl around my old stomping grounds, and a ridiculously good beer & food festival, among other silly, booze-infused events. Today is Day 3 on the wagon, and Darth has promised a low-key Memorial Day weekend when I stop by.

Enough about me. This blog is for you. And for you, I present the Evolution Revolution:

Wednesday Snipple

2008-05-14T02:36:00.003-04:00

Don't tell me Bert doesn't know how to satisfy a woman.

Madison Avenue Mysteries: Budweiser Edition

2008-05-13T23:15:00.003-04:00

Why haven't these guys been able to use this ad campaign as a launching pad to lucrative Hollywood careers?

At a minimum, I thought at least one of them would be Messin' with Sasquatch by now.

The Most Awesomest Movie Ever

2008-05-11T00:23:00.003-04:00

One of life's great questions:

2008-05-10T23:57:00.001-04:00

Drugs? Or an act?

Lil Pop Quiz

2008-05-09T20:25:00.004-04:00

Name that Lil Hip Hop Artist

1.
A. Lil Whats-his-name
B. Lil Awwwwwww
C. Lil Romeo
D. Lil Fella

2.
A. Lil Fizz
B. Lil Haberdasher
C. Lil I Don't Much Like The Looks Of Him
D. Lil Pibb

3.
A. Lil Regard for Proper Attire
B. Lil Buttercup
C. Lil Johnson
D. Lil Zane

4.
A. Lil Carbon Footprint
B. Lil Scrappy
C. Lil Sense of Shame
D. Lil Somethingorother

5.
A. Lil Miss Muffett
B. Lil Reason To Even Pretend To Cover Them Up
C. Lil Kim
D. Lil Chance Those Are Real

6.
A. Lil Lord Faunt-L-Roy
B. Lil Wayne
C. Lil Dab'll Do Ya
D. Lil Nuge

7.
A. Lil Stereotype Enforcer
B. Lil Boosie
C. Lil Lawsuit Waiting To Happen
D. Lil Mock Copulator

8.
A. Lil Nilla
B. Lil You Have To Be Shitting Me
C. Lil Wyte
D. Lil Wigga

You Betta Recognize

2008-05-06T14:03:00.000-04:00

It's Public Service Recognition Week! Click here to learn what you can do to honor my service to you, the citizenry of this great nation.

Whoops, gotta run! To celebrate this glorious event we're having an ice cream social downstairs as we speak. Thanks a bunch for picking up the tab, you guys are the bestest.

By the time you read this,

2008-05-05T16:49:00.000-04:00

I COULD BE DEAD.

Pray for me. And wash your hands.

Had I seen this as a child

2008-05-04T22:15:00.003-04:00

it would have scarred me more than the night I hid under the couch and watched my parents put Christmas presents under the tree and then eat the cookies I left out for Santa.

Lies, damn lies, and statistics

2008-05-04T20:57:00.004-04:00

Apparently there's a debate as to whether the US economy is currently in a recession.

Debate over, bitches.

And now, back to our regularly-scheduled tomfoolery.

2008-04-30T22:41:00.001-04:00

I try to keep this place light and whimsical

2008-04-30T20:57:00.004-04:00

but JFC does this sanctimonious, hypocritical mythomaniac get under my skin.

IT'S
HORRIBLE,
THIS
IDEA.
SERIOUSLY.
I MEAN IT.

And yes, this applies equally to the presumptive GOP nominee. He doesn't infuriate me like she does, however. He just disappoints me time and time again.

Who wants some Hot Carl action?

2008-04-30T19:43:00.004-04:00

Sure, the namesake is disgusting, but this is the greatest band cover art I've seen since Molly Hatchet.

Spotted at lunchtime today:

2008-04-29T15:05:00.000-04:00

Are there any membership restrictions? Do I need a current member to nominate me for membership? I'm not sure how this works.

Tonight's guilty pleasure:

2008-04-28T21:57:00.002-04:00

Hellz to the YEAH.

I decided it was time for some spring cleaning around here

2008-04-28T12:04:00.001-04:00

A friend of a friend dropped by and offered to help spruce the place up a bit.

He wanted to create a Cinderella theme with lots of chiffon, so I told him no thanks. And I won't tell you where he put the other oven mitt.

I had Skip Stephenson on the brain today

2008-04-24T20:10:00.003-04:00

and I thought I'd do a quick google image search to see what I could find on Real People.

WARNING: DO NOT DO THIS AT WORK WITH SAFE SEARCH OFF.
Below, Skip-sanitized for your protection, is the typical result:

I'm just going to leave you with a happy, family-friendly reminder of the good ol' days.

I Can't Believe There's No Butter!

2008-04-22T16:52:00.000-04:00

Welcome to my nightmare.

Happy Earth Day!

2008-04-22T11:37:00.000-04:00

I'm about to celebrate the occasion by dumpster diving for my lunch with some fellow Freegans.

I'm heading out of town for the weekend

2008-04-18T09:56:00.003-04:00

but I've got Carole keeping an eye on the place, so don't try any funny business.

One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble

2008-04-16T16:12:00.001-04:00

One night with Gladys yields similar results.

Catching up with...

2008-04-12T20:17:00.004-04:00

What's Donald Rumsfeld been up to since resigning his post as Secretary of Defense?

One word: Plenty.

A lot of walking like an Egyptian

Playing the role of Arthur "Fonzie" Fonzarelli in the Glen Carlyn Dinner Theatre Company's production of "Happy Days Revue" every Tuesday - Thursday

Regularly applying minoxidil to his scalp despite middling results to date

Picking up an old hobby

Let's be honest - a lot of this

Catching Margaret Cho's one-woman show whenever she's in town

Well...he does have more freedom to explore new avenues these days

It's okay to question your sexuality sometimes.

2008-04-09T23:52:00.004-04:00

This is one of those times.

I only have one question:

2008-04-08T08:52:00.001-04:00

How do I import this font into MS Office?

That's the ticket!

2008-04-07T09:13:00.000-04:00

Good to see a loyal reader of this blog doing his part to help our great nation. Good luck!

What are you doing for the big day Tuesday?

2008-04-05T20:34:00.002-04:00

Don't tell me you forgot whose birthday it is!

Enough Already.

2008-04-03T08:39:00.000-04:00

Seriously.

Am I the only person in America

2008-03-27T13:34:00.001-04:00

still waiting for Kuffs 2?

Happy Birthday to

2008-03-26T10:19:00.002-04:00

The Hemi Guy!

I may be too late for Easter

2008-03-24T20:04:00.003-04:00

but I can still wish all of you a happy Dyngus!

To help you celebrate, here are the undisputed Kings of Polka.

I enjoy a nice leisurely dump as much as the next person

2008-03-14T13:04:00.000-04:00

But this is a bit extreme.

Fine Arts Friday

2008-03-14T11:14:00.000-04:00

Enjoy.